your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Im part way to drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
