it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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