Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
