What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
