I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
