After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
