I cannot find my penis.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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