Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
