i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
