my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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