Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
