so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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