At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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