So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
