Nicole vs. Life
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We left the knife in your bed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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