ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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