"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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