How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
