Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
