Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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