god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
