Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
