I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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