Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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