Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
