Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
