i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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