She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You dont lie about slip and slides
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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