i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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