If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have post one night stand depression
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize