The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
