she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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