That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
