How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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