how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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