Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
