just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
