This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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