There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
