I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
