If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize