I should be sponsored by Trojan
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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