he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
