I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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