I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize