Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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