I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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