Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
