I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
not ubering you a puppy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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