I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
