i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
