Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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