so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
