Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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