sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
