i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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