I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
tell me about the eggs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
