i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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