There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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