When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
