do herpes really smell.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
