he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
