If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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