I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
