I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
