after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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