so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
