I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
